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NUSKA
The Un-Resolution Episode: New Year, Same Brain, Fewer Meltdowns
Is it just us, or is the "New Year, New Me" energy actually kind of... exhausting?
It's a new year and in this episode of NUSKA, hosts (and resident neuro-spicy besties) Connie and E.B. are officially opting out of the January 1st industrial complex.
If you’ve ever felt like a failure because your gym membership lasted exactly four days or your "organized life" lasted until the first pile of laundry, this one is for you.
We’re diving deep into why the neurodivergent brain often clashes with traditional goal-setting and how to navigate the "Fresh Start Effect" without the inevitable burnout.
Whether you're currently hyperfixating on a new hobby or just trying to remember to drink water, pull up a chair. We’re doing the New Year differently—mostly by not doing it at all.
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Stay weird, stay curious, and we’ll see you in the next one.
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Hello, hello, hello, and welcome back to New Ska 2026. It's a new year, and we are back for a brand new episode. I am here with Connie. We are starting off with a great episode for you today. We're going to be talking about unresolutions, which I think is going to be quite perfect, considering the kind of year we just had. I know my holidays, I don't know about Connie's. Mine were relaxed personally here in my home where I live, but very stressful as an American and an adult living in the world. Connie, I don't know how your holiday season was.
SPEAKER_01:I'm stuck at home with two neurodiverse children. One is high support needs.
SPEAKER_05:I super fun. So happy. Super fun times. That's why we thought it would be a good idea to do this episode today, the unresolution episode, because you know, as it does every year, as far as as long as social media has existed every year at this time. New year, new me, new year, new me. Goals, goals, goals, goals, goals, goals, goals. And it turns out that goals, goals, goals, new year, new me. Actually, A, not accurate. B, super bad for neurodiverse people, as it turns out. We're not good at it.
SPEAKER_03:No, never have I made a resolution that I have kept.
SPEAKER_05:Never, ever, ever. I don't think I've ever kept a resolution, ever. So that's why we're going to talk about today. If you're a neurodivergent person, you need to just pump the brakes on your resolutions. For those who haven't made resolutions yet, hopefully this episode is going to make you feel a little bit better because when we get really focused on I have to accomplish this thing, it's a new year, it's a clean slate, I have to do this thing. We put immense pressure on ourselves. And a better thing to do is this unresolution strategy, taking a more general, positive, fun, uplifting approach to quote unquote improving yourself or improving your life or doing something different in 2026. So we'll just start off with the really easy basics. Where does this all come from? Like, why the heck do we have this? It's January. I have to be a new person. The old person is behind me, and it I have to do do do do do. Like, do you feel that pressure, Connie? Yes.
SPEAKER_04:But my brain has already jumped into this thing I learned about how like the calendar, the Roman calendar didn't start for like the first two years of two, I'm sorry, the first two months. And it like was supposed to start in like March. Yeah. And but they wanted to go to war. So they moved the calendar up to January the first.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah. That tracks. That's that's basically it. Yeah. When we say time is a construct, that's exactly it.
SPEAKER_01:And like it's like going to war trying to get through a New Year's resolution in general, right?
SPEAKER_05:So it does feel like that. It does, it does feel like that. I was actually curious about where this all came from. Like obviously, there's a lot of companies that benefit from this, right? Like, there's the reason you see it so much on social media is because New Year, New Me gets you to go buy a bunch of journals, it gets you to go get a gym membership, buy a bunch of new workout clothes, new shoes, new makeup, new hair.
SPEAKER_01:Like before it has you binging like crazy because oh, you have to get all of the bad stuff out right before your news resolution. And oh my gosh, it's gonna be so absolutely resolution. So you must do all the bad things before the first.
SPEAKER_05:Exactly. But what I actually found out is that there is actually a psychological phenomenon around it too, which is yeah, some of it has been egged on by corporations and stuff, but it's called the fresh start effect, which is essentially a psychological effect that sees these temporal landmarks, which is something like a new year starting. It's like a significant moment in time that's marked by a wide audience of people, kind of thing. It creates psychologically this idea that we are leaving a version of ourselves in the past, things we don't like in the past, and we are physically starting a clean set slate new. So even if you don't like actively engage in new year, new me, your brain psychologically is going, Well, it's a new thing. So that is a temporal shift and it's a new start, and I get to be a new person.
SPEAKER_04:What a great way to convince a mass amount of people to ignore what's just happened in the last year.
SPEAKER_05:Like what? Is it new year new me? I'm sure Donald Trump's probably tweeting that right now on Truth Social.
SPEAKER_04:It's one of those things where it's like that's a subconscious thing that's happening. It happens every single year, every year of our lives. You come into middle age and and it's like it's this automatic thing, like you just almost shrug off the year that's happened prior because that's been ingrained in you.
SPEAKER_05:It is, yeah. And it's not new. I mean, granted, this time of year that we're now doing it in is pretty new, right? Because it's the Gregorian calendar, which has not been around that long. If you look at the scale of human beings, some people in the world still don't use that calendar or have recently.
SPEAKER_04:There's also Matsuriki here, which is through the colder months. Yeah, like there's a lot of different places that don't bother with the Gregorian New Year. I think it's more of just like another thing to celebrate in a few days off.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, yeah. And the Chinese New Year's in February, so they're they're not even celebrating New Year's until February. So it is, it's just this psychological phenomenon, but it's called the fresh start effect. And there's a few things that go into this. And on one layer, it's symbolism. So it feels significant that we all stood and watched a ball drop, or you kiss at midnight, or the clocks change and you see different numbers on the thing. It has this kind of symbolism to it, this kind of it's like magical thinking almost that we subconsciously feed into. I think that that's a very like ingrained evolutionarily in us. And there's also it's a shared cultural moment, which again, it's like a psychological trigger. We see everyone around us going, ah, fresh start, fresh start. And we go, Oh, yeah, okay, I want to be a part of this. It gives you a piece of belonging to be able to get online and talk about your gym routine or whatever it is, it gives you that belonging, which is what so many people are so, so, so, so drawn to, even to their own detriment.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, well, when you strip away culture from like mass amounts of people, and then you have nothing to like help them stay in this trance of like, please be capitalistic, please colonize, please do these things. You've got to have these big mo momentous things that continue to pull people back into that. Oh, well, my I do belong. I do, I do, I belong.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, and it's also which is interesting that you said this, is it also is triggered this fresh start effect, it's triggered by having a season of indulgence before. So you've spent weeks indulging, indulging, indulging food, drink, social time, spending money on yourself, whatever it is. And this allows you to put the brakes on that and shift back into kind of routine or formality or organization or or whatever it is you may have been lacking when you were being more indulgent. And then, of course, it's this that feeling of a clean slate. If you're someone who struggled, you had a really bad year, bad things happened to you. It almost feels like getting in a bath and like scrubbing things off of you and walking out clean. It can it can feel like that. Like, I get to be a whole new person and that stuff's not attached to me anymore.
SPEAKER_01:I'm like, no, I think so, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:Absolutely. I I'm right there with you 100%. But I I do know people who are like, it's you know, this is it's like a spirit. No, who's really guilty of that? Is the new age spiritual people seen that? My mom was quite into that. Like it's a it's an it's an energy cleanse that cleanses all of those things from you. Like just like the number changing on your phone did that for you? That's crazy.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, like see, this is why I like Matsuriki here, because it goes by the star movements. Like that's actually something that is that makes sense.
SPEAKER_05:That makes sense, or seasonal change makes sense.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, the there's the the seven sisters, the seven sisters to stars that show up in the sky through Matsuriki.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:And you know, that that is a significant thing that happens, not some ball dropping or some clock changing, you know, like that sort of takes away the significance of like a full-on shift of the earth in comparison, you know.
SPEAKER_05:Well, before the the before Christianity took over, our pagan European ancestors wouldn't have celebrated the new year in the middle of fucking winter. They would have celebrated it as spring was starting because that would have been the actual renewal of life. And you think of things like spring cleaning, and yeah, it's symbolic and stuff, but it was also very much practical. You've been locked up in a hut in a hovel with your cows, your goats, your 16 kids, your wife, her mom, her dad, her eight cousins for like eight months. You gotta you gotta start scraping stuff out after the winter's over and you're going into a new year and things are getting warmer and people are getting plague and things like that. So it kind of makes sense. All of this comes together to create this fresh start effect. But the reason that this fresh start effect is so bad for neurodivergent people, which I don't think a lot of us realize, because you know, who would? Is it creates immense pressure, like immense emotional pressure, psychological pressure, pressure on our nervous systems, all of the above, and it sets us up basically for total fucking collapse and failure.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, well, that's when that's when you peek into things like pathological demand avoidance. It was like ADHD and autism, where you end up like having a physical response to the idea that you are now having no choice but to participate in something that you one didn't ask for, two, socially no one's helping you do. And three, like that pressure is something that other people are going to continually ask you about it if you verbalize it, which makes it even harder on your nervous system.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, that's a lot. Yeah, this is this is the meat. This is you guys are gonna notice this is when Connie's gonna school me because as much as I know about like some brain stuff, she's she's like the master of the neurodivergent stuff. So like still learning. She's she's she's amazing. She's amazing. So just watch just let she's gonna school me for the next 15 minutes. So the reason that this is so bad for us as neurodivergent people is as because Connie said it's because of executive dysfunction. So specifically, my understanding, and you're gonna you're gonna have to correct me because I'm I'm gonna get this wrong. I just wrote down like a couple little notes, but when you have something like go to the gym five days a week, say you set that as your goal. From January 1st, I'm going to the gym five days a week. And you're not someone who's been to the gym a lot, you've never had like a regular gym routine. That is horrific for a neurodivergent brain, whether you're ADHD, autistic, or a combination, because of like not just the pressure that it puts on us, which it is, it's like crushing pressure, but also like novelty and all that kind of stuff.
SPEAKER_04:And it can kind of trigger when the brain works with no dopamine regulation. So that's what's happening at ADHD autism, there is no regular dopamine function. And what that means is when you try to do a task, you are pulling from a zero reserve. And when a neurotypical decides, oh, I'm gonna do this task, they have enough dopamine going through their receptors to go, okay, I'll get up right now and do that. Whereas with ADHD person, particularly, you would literally feel like a weight is holding you down on the couch almost because it would get you in paralysis, and there's no executive function to be able to start that because you are already in a dopamine deficit. There's like executive function, even for like an autistic person that you're you're drawing again from reserves you do not have PDA in autism. There is a biological function where you're getting an adrenaline dump when you feel like you're being forced to do something. I'm not sure about ADHD specifically, but as an Audi HD person, I get that adrenaline dump. It is so intense. And so executive function, like when you do not have a clear-cut run for your dopamine to go from A to B, it's literally getting lost on the way. You know, it's not it's the whole like you don't have enough. Because we can do this thing called dopamine mining, right? Where say you pick like some of your favorite perfumes and you sniff them before you try to start a task because it'll help trigger your brain to to do dopamine things, like five sit-ups or five star jumps, because that helps produce dopamine and it's not for exercise, it's literally just to trigger your brain into doing the thing. But even then, it's not a guaranteed because you could lose that executive function, that consistent dopamine halfway through the task and you're done. You can't do it anymore.
SPEAKER_05:So is that why is that why when they I know like ADHD a lot, they talk about lack of novelty, like you need novelty. I'm assuming that the reason they tell you to bring novelty into things is because it helps you do that dopamine farming.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, that's why like I will always give myself a treat after a task that I don't want to do. If I'm oh my god, I don't want to do this. And I'm like, you know what? I can have marshmallows after this. I've got a bag of celebrations right next to me. Yeah, yeah. And so it's it's so important to to do that novelty and like making sure that you're setting yourself up with different things during it as well that are going to give you little surprises or make you feel good. Like, and the whole like starting a five-day routine, right, to go to the gym, that in and of itself, there's no novelty. There's no novelty. Exactly. Like, novelty in in doing something like that for an ADHD person would be like, I'm gonna try to get to the gym three times a week and I'm not gonna tell myself what days I'm gonna go. I'm just if I have the time, cool, I'm going to the gym for an hour.
SPEAKER_05:Or you go and like take a class instead of working out, go and take a dance class.
SPEAKER_04:And that takes away that executive function too, if you do a class, because someone else is telling you what to do in that moment. And because there's physical movement, you're less likely to feel the PDA, and you're it's actually easier to go, oh my god, take away the control for me, please, because I just want to do the thing, but I can't do it without someone helping me. And it's almost like a body doubling situation or a parallel play, because in a group of people, everyone's doing it with you.
SPEAKER_00:Right.
SPEAKER_04:Because like body doubling would be like someone sitting in the room with you and you do the task, but they don't do the task with you. They're just sitting there making sure you have eyes on yourself to complete the task. Whereas parallel players, you're like both doing tasks that you want to do.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Either together or tasks that are both completely like different. But in a gym setting, if you're going to a class, like you're going, there's like 20 people on a bike doing the same shit as you. I love that actually. Usually those classes are neither the same either. They're always different. There's always a different thing.
SPEAKER_05:So it's really m interesting to me that you mentioned PDA because that's something that I think I specifically struggle with, and I think a lot of people probably do struggle with when it comes to these like new year resolutions. And it doesn't even have to be the new year, it can be any time of the year when you're trying to like set yourself up for something. But this pathological demand avoidance. Can you explain that a little bit more, like what that is or what that kind of feels like or how it works?
SPEAKER_04:Personally, I prefer using pathological demand avoidance because a lot of the time some people you'll hear them say, like pervasive drive for autonomy and all that sort of thing. Like, I feel it as a pathological demand avoidance. I don't feel it as like this little drive for autonomy. Like, no, I'm avoiding this demand to the point where I am harming myself and and not doing things, you know, like I could get a letter from someone and like it will feel like it's a demand to open it and it will not get opened for like two weeks.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, that's what I'm mad about.
SPEAKER_04:You know, like that's that's dangerous, you know. So with the with the you know, New Year's resolutions, if you're not setting yourself up in a way and and even speaking to yourself in a way that goes, This is not a demand, this is a goal that is actually you know achievable, but you don't have to achieve it straight away. This is this is a slow burn, then there's a higher chance of especially someone with PDA to be able to complete it. Because if you're setting a goal like, right, I have to do this every day at this time. By the time you get to 10 minutes before that time limit, you're gonna be like, Oh my god, I have to do that thing. I really don't want to do it. What can I do to like get out of it? Oh my gosh, like this is like actually starting to really stress me out. Like, yeah, and that fear, that anxiety starts to take over because you're getting an adrenaline done because your body feels like you are literally being hunted for sport.
SPEAKER_00:It does feel like that.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, and so, and so like that fear will drive you away, and that's why it's pathological because it's like there's no need for you to have that type of fear, but it's happening, yeah, it's there, it's I will say, like for me, I don't know if this is the same for everybody, but I have like an additional layer to that where I go through all of that, I go through all of that, and it's definitely a fear, but then I have this very swift kind of like who if unless it's from someone I really love, trust, care about, respect. If the demand involves anyone or anything outside of that, I start going, well, who the fuck is the system to tell me to do this anyway? Or who the fuck is this person to expect? I don't have to do that to do that on their time scale. There's nothing they can wait a day for a response. Like I get into this really like, you do not fucking tell me what to do ever. I'll do it when I get to it, which is not good. It's also bad. They're under ADHD spite.
SPEAKER_04:So like ADA for autism will be a biological response, but like Which I do have that as well. But then ADHD spite and pathological demand avoidance are like best buddies. And when that that moment happens, of course, your ADHD is gonna start rationalizing with fight, and that fight system is gonna come up and be like, Well, why the fuck do I even bother with this? Like, who are they?
SPEAKER_05:Literally, literally, I will start going, well, this is a made-up construct of a bullshit system, anyways. None of this existed 50,000 years ago. Like, I'll start having those conversations, which is crazy because we're not 50,000 years ago, right? It's 2026. All they're gonna be like, no, this is fake, I'm not doing it.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, and like I think too, one thing that like is as hard as it is to push past things like PDA. Like, for example, a while back I had to do a course for like a speech therapy thing for one of my kids, and it was on it was on Zoom, and I had to log in at a certain time every single week, and it was so soul crushing because there was no novelty to it. I was being forced to learn stuff, I was being put in a group of people I did not know who did not socialize with me, yeah, and it was so it felt like torture. I was literally crying before every single time. I'd get out of it, I'd be done with the three hours, happy fine. Wow, I learned so much. This is great. Why didn't I push myself into doing and then next week? I'm crying, I feel forced, I don't want to do it. I get on the thing and I love it. And it's it's so that's what I was like with coaching.
SPEAKER_05:That's what I was like with coaching, same thing.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah. I feel so good after this. This is amazing. And then it gets to it, and you're like, I hate everything. Everything just die.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, well, Dan would come downstairs sometimes and I would be feeling so much pressure because also, like when I was coaching, I want to do right by my clients and I want to do well, and some of them are dealing with so much big stuff, and it puts a lot of pressure on you to make sure you're going above and beyond to like help these people figure stuff out. And there'd be times he Come downstairs like 20 minutes before I was supposed to be on a call with a client. I would just be like sometimes yelling or screaming or literally crying, being like, I don't want to be alive. And he's like, You gotta calm down with this. This is so because it was just so stressful for me.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, because that's why it's a biological thing. That's where that biological response is coming in because you have no control over it. Yeah, there's no genuine control. Like the only time I've ever had to feel like I have genuine control was when I got medicated for my postural orthostatic, because the same medication that I get for that, which reduces the adrenaline function in the body, it's also reduced my PDA, and they give it to some autistic people as well because of the reducing that adrenaline function so the PDA isn't so intense and it doesn't become this massive anxiety fuel every single time.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, I'm realizing now too that, and this is one of the reasons you know, I think we struggle with resolutions a lot, a lot of us, is that I and I hate, I'm almost, I'm you know, I'm I'm creeping towards my 40s and I'm just figuring this out. But a lot of this when I would set goals or things, so let's say there was there was one year I was like, I'm gonna go to the gym three days a week, and a big problem was sensory issues that I didn't even realize that I had about like like being too hot, being in the wrong clothes, like not being able to tolerate certain temperatures in an amount of time, or I had to walk. I set this goal for myself in like frigid Edinburgh winter when we were having snow, and I was like, I'm gonna walk uphill 10 minutes to the gym every day. Like that was not gonna happen, right? So by the time we got to February, I was like, Well, I fucking hate myself because I've not gone to the gym. I've gone to the gym three times in a month, like that kind of a thing. And it's so much, there's so many sensory issues that I just didn't even realize were a part of me failing at stuff or not wanting to do stuff or avoiding stuff like goal setting.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, and like that that will fuel that that PDA as well, like not having the right sensory equipment for something, like understanding your ability to deal with a sensory experience and if that will make something harder or easier is so important, you know. Like a lot of a lot of these people that like do the gym stuff, like they're all wearing these tight, um, restrictive things. Like, granted, yoga pants can't be can't be if they're not too tight. Although I do love a good pair of compression pants. Oh my god. Like compression shorts.
SPEAKER_05:I used to wear them for rugby all the time.
SPEAKER_04:But like wearing that for a solid hour while you're working out is not actually going to be beneficial for someone who has sensory issues. You're got you need to be going to the gym in like basketball shorts and a fucking massive t-shirt. Yeah, you need to be able to wear your headphones the whole time and you know, be able to have it so that it blocks out any of the loud. Wet hair cannot be touching the back of my neck. Like it's like little shit like that. Understanding that you're going to the gym with a plait in your hair that's pulled up into a bun so that nothing is whipping around and you're not having issues, you know. Like there's a lot of things that you need to be able to put in place for you to want to be able to do that, you know. Like when I my one of my like my unresolution, because like when I set any goals for myself, I know as an autistic person, I need to attach it to my routines because I have set routines that I have no choice but to go through each day, not just for myself, but for my kids. And so, you know, like I'll be standing in my kitchen cooking dinner and I can't leave the stove. No, because and I've got a child who is literally the Tasmanian devil of the human. And so I have to stay in the kitchen. So I'm like, okay, like I've gone out of my way to find like five or six different like physical movements that will help my mobility within my like body in a few different ways that should help me tone up a little bit, but that's not my goal. My goal is to get my joints moving so that I'm not just standing there doing fucking nothing the whole time. And I've attached that to a thing I already do because there is gaps of time within that that I am not doing anything. I'm just standing there in front of an oven like like a nothing.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:So, so by attaching, you know, your whatever you want to be doing to something that you already do, you know. So for you, it could have been, well, I like to go to the cafe this uh this time uh this week, you know, once a week or whatever, uh, you know, before I go to the cafe, maybe I'll go to the gym for even half an hour and I'll just go on the bike for a little bit and then I'll go and then I'll go treat myself with uh a coffee and a and a cake or whatever, and then next week maybe I'll be able to do some weights. Yeah. And and and you know, keeping that that ADHD novelty by not forcing yourself into this massive routine and then treating yourself and giving yourself that dopamine after of like I did a good thing. Because there's a high likelihood for a lot of ADHD as and autistic people that you don't have a good internal monologue that's giving you dopamine by giving you compliments because it'll brutal is mean. And and one thing I like to tell people is like, would you say that to your best friend? And if your best friend said that to themselves, would you let them?
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, exactly. That is actually really good.
SPEAKER_04:I need to tell myself that because because like you're not gonna let your best friend speak to themselves like that. Why the fuck are you speaking to yourself?
SPEAKER_05:Like, oh come. My internal monologue is like Adele Rio speaking to someone she actually hates. That's what my internal monologue sounds like. It's funny, but it's mean. It's real mean. It's really mean. I think I think uh like I did struggle with that for a long time. Um before I was coaching, I I was very much fell into that trap of like it has to be all or nothing. I had like all or nothing, ADHD, like we gotta buy the planner, we gotta buy the highlighters, we gotta buy the washi tape, we gotta buy the corkboard.
SPEAKER_04:Like I think where the dopamine mining is important because what you've done there is you've like you've sucked out all of the dopamine. Yeah, you've taken every ounce of dopamine straight away because we don't have enough in the first place. Yeah. And so like putting those little dopamine blips in between all of the things is how you continue. It's like it's like playing a game of Mario, um like Mario Kart, and you've like waiting for those like little, like those little boxes so you can get your little thing and like shoot it off or whatever. You know, like that's good now. You're like, I've got to get the next thing because I need to shoot it because this guy's right up my ass, you know. Like that's that's how games push us into being on them for longer. And we have yeah, we need to almost treat our need for novelty in the same way, and and giving us little like little checkpoints of like, oh, I get to have my little thing now, or I can get it in my notebook, you know, and also with notebooks, my best thing is start from the back. Don't ever write in the front pages of your notebooks, use them backwards because now you haven't ruined the front of your notebook. Your notebook is still pretty if you're opening it from the front. Oh, that's nice. I like that. And now I actually use the notebooks.
SPEAKER_05:That's quite that's quite a good idea. I might actually use that. Although I do tend to fill up notebooks, I do tend to fill up every notebook I get, which is a lot. You're that's also true. So like a professional mouth runner.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah, that's not for you. That's for all the other people listening.
SPEAKER_05:Although, what I've really gathered from this whole conversation is I need to remake Requiem for a Dream, but instead of like heroin, it's just it's just neurodivergent people, dopamine farming. It's just like this woman sitting sad in the middle of a room with every fucking hobby around her, like every crack to every inch of the wall. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. It's just like her in a dark room with all her hobby crafts. I don't know what the ass-to-ass scene would be. Probably like a crochet war between two Audi HDs. I don't know, but it would be something like that. I'm gonna, I think I should remake that movie. Dopamine junkies.
SPEAKER_03:I like that movie so much, but now I really want to re-watch it so I can like route the scenes and be like, okay, what would happen for us?
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, even a lot of that is about addiction, and I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_03:They're probably neurodivergent. If you have any addiction or have gone through addiction, girl, you need to go and get yourself checked.
SPEAKER_05:100% because there's a very high likelihood, a very high likelihood. Well, I think this would be a good place to drop a little history nugget.
SPEAKER_03:It's herstery. Hurstery.
SPEAKER_05:Hurstery nugget. The herstery nugget. Um, we've got a little history nugget. This is a new little segment we're gonna be doing, and it is what it says on the 10. It's a little history nugget that has something to do with what we're talking about. And since we're talking about resolutions, before we get into the nice meat of how you can actually do this unresolution process, let's do a little history nugget. It's actually Connie today that's got the good one because I didn't do my research.
SPEAKER_02:So I I I by chance lucked this one, okay.
SPEAKER_04:I I actually so people that celebrate Yule do a thing called Yule boasting. And basically what that is, is and I don't drink, so it wouldn't be me per se, but I want to do it anyway. You get shit face drunk with all your friends, and one by one you all stand up and start boasting out the most ridiculous New Year's resolutions possible. Like we're talking floor-level, you know, like I'm going to the sky to the surface of the sun and kick it. You know, like this year, I am going to yeep my boss off of a building, you know, like that kind of crazy, stupid, out the gate, never gonna happen kind of thing. But it's never gonna happen because putting yourself in that type of I have to do this this year mood is not actually something that is good for you. No, and so I think your boasting is such a good way to do that that whole cute, it feels Scottish or Irish in in attitude. It's definitely giving.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I also there's a there's another thing that I it's like a Scottish thing, I think. Although it could be uh that whole sort of area of the islands, but the I think it's like 12, it's like a 12 days of Christmas thing, but not. You start it on the 21st of December, yeah, and you write out like 12 things that you would like to happen throughout the year. And you cut those pieces of you like write them on a nice piece of paper and you cut them into little things and you fold them up, and each night when the sun goes down, you light a candle that's specifically for it, and you burn each piece one a night until the last night, which is like the night of the first of January, going into the second, and that one is your one, it's not it's not for the universe because essentially when you're burning it in the flame, you know it's going out into the ether, it's the ether's problem now, right? And you're supposed to trust that, and essentially you get left with your last one, and you do burn that, but you have to read that for yourself as well, and that's something that you work on, yeah. And so for me this year, mine was yeah, mine was to give myself more sense of security, was the one I was left with.
SPEAKER_05:Oh my god, that's so wholesome.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_05:I love that. That's a really good history, Naggin. I was just gonna talk about the Babylonians who were pretty gross, so that's way best, way nicer. Give me Pharaoh now. Well, the Babylonians had this thing where all women, when they came of age that were a part of this mega religion, which was basically the only religion, they had to go out into the street and prostitute themselves, and they were not allowed to decline any man that came to them. So, like, even the rich women, the poor women would go in the temple, and you could be like the poorest, most disgusting man in the city. But if you were the first one that got there and said, You, she was not allowed to deny you. Oh my gosh. Not me. I'd be going straight to hell every time because of pathological demand avoidance. I would have died. Give me the gross, and you were like, here is the disgusting. It's just gross. They did a lot of gross stuff. Gross. Our ancestors were gross. Well, that's actually really good. That that history now gets really good because that lets us segue beautifully into how you actually do an unresolution. This camera is just not, it's not figuring stuff out. Unresolution strategy, which is like, okay, so we get it. Don't tell yourself I'm going to the gym five days a week. Don't tell yourself I'm gonna lose 10 pounds. I'm gonna get a job. I'm gonna like, like, don't do that. So here's what you should do instead. This is your unresolution strategy, and it's super excellent for neurodivergent brains. Number one, that was a crazy zoom out. Dopamine menu. Set yourself a dopamine menu for the year instead of a bunch of goals, like pick a bunch of different fun things or easy things or things that spike your dopamine. Like my clients a lot would be like, Oh, well, I want to get back into exercising, but I haven't exercised in 10 years. What do I do? Do I do a gym plan? No, you don't do a gym plan. You need to just dance around your house five, 10 minutes a day. Get used to doing that through the week. Dance to like your old trashy ho day club music for 10 minutes and shake your ass and wiggle around the house. Like, find fun things that you can do. So that's that's I think a big one. Number two, pick a theme. Making a theme like of a single word is also a lot more effective. So, this is something that I am also doing this year. And it was just like improve, just like improve or make it better is kind of the the theme that I'm working with. And what does that mean? It means when I come across something in my daily life, small things, how do I just make this like five percent better? Which is not really noticeable to a lot of people, but it actually is incredible how much it like feels good.
SPEAKER_04:It's a good way of dopamine mining through the new things, though. Like you're doing something.
SPEAKER_02:You're like, how can I make this better?
SPEAKER_04:Boom. You're already dopamine mining, you're helping you push your brain into doing more.
SPEAKER_02:Look at mine.
SPEAKER_04:Just do things better a little bit differently. Yeah, well, like I dopamine mined to figure out mine and basically did like a whole ritualistic thing, and now I'm like, cool, this year I'm working on making myself feel safer and more secure.
SPEAKER_02:That's you know, like I like that. I do like that. And so, and so like that that could just be me like working on breathing better and exactly like just better, anything could be anything more.
SPEAKER_05:Could be make grilled cheese sandwiches better. It like I literally the other day was like, How do I get better at cooking cam and bear? That was it. That was like I felt fucking accomplished because I was like, How do I make this cheese better?
SPEAKER_02:I miss dairy so much. I used to make the mean grilled cheese in a fry pan.
SPEAKER_05:It's gonna kill me, and I am gonna let it kill me. That's I'm not giving up cheese. I've had to give up a lot of things in this world, and it's not I can't, I can't. We hate each other.
SPEAKER_02:I get spicy mouth from dairy, so it's not even just the the like the standard like IBS vibes, it's the full bone that feels like I've eaten a chili.
SPEAKER_05:That sucks. Yeah. What happens if you get a cheese that is made of chilies? Because I had a cheese that was made from ghost chilies the other day. So would you be able to tell the difference?
SPEAKER_03:No, because I can't have nightshades either. Oh no. So even tomatoes feel like chili.
SPEAKER_05:Oh no. Oh, you would have died if you got that cheese that I got. That that stuff was nuclear. It was crazy. So, yeah, that's that's that's like a good thing to do. Pick a theme, go with something instead of saying I want to lose 10 pounds, say, I want to be healthier this year. Because that could be anything. That could be you eat three more salads this year than you did last year. That could just be tried Chinese cabbage and and for the first time we've been wanting to try it for ages.
SPEAKER_04:It is so good. Yeah, it's not cabbage. Chinese cabbage is the best. I think it's really good.
SPEAKER_02:It's really good.
SPEAKER_05:It is so tasty. It's good, it's really good. Also, and the third thing here, if you want to be more effective at setting goals, all right. We've talked about picothing, we've talked about dopamine menus, giving yourself like you know, things that spike your dopamine. This one's my favorite, and this is what I'm really doing this year to feel more accomplished, but it's low stakes challenges.
SPEAKER_04:Low stakes challenges, fun stuff, just fun, stupid silly low stakes is so so important because we need to give ourselves achievable goals that aren't going to make us one, feel that PDA, and two, it's gonna give you recognizable dopamine. It's going to give you a genuine like feel. Like something as simple as like if you've got a really messy room, take a picture of it, right? And then spend 10 minutes, set a timer, spend 10 minutes just cleaning up. Like I must it'll feel like absolute garbage, but then you're gonna take another picture and you're gonna flick between the two. That's right.
SPEAKER_02:And you're gonna go, oh shit, I made a huge difference there.
SPEAKER_04:That's massive. And you're gonna get the dopamine from it, and you're going to be like, Wow, I didn't set a huge time limit. I didn't make this a big deal. I was just like, Cool, let's make a comparison photo. And now you're saying, Oh wow, like low stakes, brilliant massive reward.
SPEAKER_05:Massive reward. That's brilliant advice. I love that. And it can be stuff as simple, and this is like really positive. If you're like, I really want to do something positive for myself, say no more. That could be like your low stakes thing. I'm gonna leave a party that I don't want to be at, or I'm gonna say no, thank you to something that I don't want. Like super, super low stakes, like easy stuff. Easy stuff.
SPEAKER_01:Love a good Irish goodbye. Just gapping it. I'm actually so practiced in that. I used to do it all the time at the club.
SPEAKER_02:I'd been like, I'd make friends with like 10, 15 people, with an entire group, we'd all be chatting. Yeah. And then suddenly gone. Cause I'm like, oh, it's 12 o'clock and I have work tomorrow.
SPEAKER_05:They I've seen that happen more here in Scotland than I ever saw it happen in America. It's hilarious to me. I love it. I do it. I love it. It's excellent. Excellent, excellent, excellent. So yeah, that's what you can kind of do. Instead of really beating yourself down and trying to become Superman just because the calendar's changed, go for an unresolution, you know, dopamine menu, pick a theme, give yourself low-stakes challenges, have fun, enjoy yourself, do different stuff. Don't go to the gym five days every week. That's fucking boring. Who wants to do that? That's a job, another job.
SPEAKER_04:You deserve to not put the pressure on you that neurotypicals don't have any problems trying to meet.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:These resolutions, the people that meet that criteria, one crazy in my opinion. How the fuck are you?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:And two, are most likely nowhere near the neurodiverse spectrum. And that in and of itself means that they have so much more dopamine.
SPEAKER_05:They get to choose to do a task and they literally have a different physical experience. I literally physically experience life differently. I can't touch used silverware without gagging. I'm swear to God. I sit there and do the dishes. I don't care about plates, bowls, cups. Fine. Bare hands, bare hands, bare hands. I get to the silverware, hot water comes on, yellow gloves come out. They're all the way up to here. Sleeves are double rolled. I can't, if I touch a used piece of silverware, I freak out.
SPEAKER_03:I have my whole life. I literally only eat with chopsticks now because I have to have the same texture in my hand that's touching my mouth. I do like the texture of chopsticks when I eat with them. Yeah. I'm gonna get trendies tonight.
SPEAKER_00:There's no extra.
SPEAKER_04:You're not stabbing yourself with a fork. Sorry, we're just gone off with a mess of stuff.
SPEAKER_05:Also, like when you bite the fork as well. I hate that. I hate when you accidentally bite a fork or is not I hate, I hate there's been some issues and everybody missed them. Took almost 40 years. How? How?
SPEAKER_04:I let my kid try wooden chopsticks because she was eating noodles for the first time and like with chopsticks, but she had plastic ones that it's easier to eat them with wooden. There's like a hit. She literally hands them back to me, but after one meal, she's like, I don't like wood in my mouth, Mum.
SPEAKER_05:It's okay. You just carry on. Remind her of that statement 20 years from now. Remind her of that statement.
SPEAKER_03:Oh my god, I've just heard what I said.
SPEAKER_05:Either way, it'll be funny, no matter, no matter what. No matter what, it'll be funny.
SPEAKER_03:It's already like, I don't want to have kids. I don't want to be in any kind of relationship. I just want a dog.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, so it'll be really funny. It'll be she'll be like, Yeah, she'll either you'll remind her of that statement 20 years and She'll be like, hell yeah. I knew what the fuck I was talking about. Or she'll ask. Oh, all right. Well, then let's wrap up then with a little bit of a deep dive. We've given lots of information at them today. So do do a little bit of like what we're doing this new year's. And I think instead of telling people more of like what we are doing, let's talk about what we're not doing. What are our anti-goals this year? Like what it what's out? What is out for you, Connie?
SPEAKER_04:Oh man, what am I not doing? I am not putting pressure on myself to be a perfect mum.
SPEAKER_05:Yay, excellent.
SPEAKER_04:Yes. There's no way I can do that. There's no way. I cannot completely. I can garden. I can garden real good, but I cannot I cannot be the most perfect mom. And I think that's important. Like my kids not seeing perfection because being they're neurodiverse kids. How the heck are they going to emulate their own nervous system and respect and care for their nervous systems if I'm over here pretending like everything is perfect all the freaking time?
SPEAKER_05:Exactly. Kids need to your kids need to see your humanity so that they can figure out how to live in their own humanity, which is the good, the bad, the ugly, and everything in between. Like they have to see that. They have to see how to navigate it. How else are they gonna learn? You know, like that's brilliant. I like that. I like that. Is there anything else that's out for you this year?
SPEAKER_04:Um probably holding back. Like there's a lot of times where I'm like in a conversation with someone and I don't like what's happening, and I usually hold back and I'm just like, I'll casually remove myself from it. But this year I'm like, no, like I deserve to be able to say the thing, and if the other person's uncomfortable with that, that's not a me thing. That's a me recognizing something and they have to deal with that, or they're gonna come back with like actual conversation. It might be a good thing, and I need to like make sure that I'm I'm respecting the fact that like just because I might not want to have that moment doesn't mean that that person's not ready to have that moment either. Yeah, so I like that.
SPEAKER_05:I'm doing a little bit of that myself. That was one of my things this year is I realize it it doesn't seem like it, but I am actually really holding back. I I hold back a lot of stuff, and I don't say a lot of stuff that I think or feel or have opinions on.
SPEAKER_04:And some of the things we have that are not recorded. I'm like, dude, you need to be this mean all the time.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, yeah. So that's my goal this year, and it's kind of an extension of I think last year I told myself, and I think I even made a video about it, is that I was intentionally using TikTok to try to unmask.
SPEAKER_03:And I think some of that's the name of the video I remember because the memory says yes.
SPEAKER_05:Because that's also why I stopped wearing makeup and doing my hair and botoxing and all that kind of stuff as well. Like I really am trying to force myself to just be a raw human being. So I'm that was one of my things. I'm not gonna shrink myself. I'm not, I'm just not gonna shrink myself. If I feel something about something, I don't care if you fucking hate me. I'm gonna say it anyway, as long as it's not to the detriment of people like actual real human beings. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not gonna dump on people who already have it bad. Like, I'm not gonna start dunking on minorities and shit like that. Like that, not that. No, no, you're gonna actively make I'm gonna be meaner to women that look like me, is essentially what it's gonna come down to. Yeah, yeah. Gonna make white women shake in their boots. Yeah, yeah, because I'm real fucking sick of it. And I I stuff with my family as well. It's not just me swinging at Taylor Swift, it's it's me being brutally honest there.
SPEAKER_04:No, fuck you, fuck all of you. At least you're doing the decolonizing. You can get the fuck out of my way. Yeah, like no.
SPEAKER_05:I want to, I'm gonna be, I want to be the anti-Taylor Swift, and that's what I'm gonna fucking do. Um so what about an Ick list? I think that this is quite a good idea. I saw somebody doing an Ick list, which is like trends, New Year trends that just turn them off, that make them go, no thanks, no thanks. Do you have any of those that you've seen that are you're like, come on, man, like come on. I've got one which I actually did not know. Like I was I was almost guilty of this.
SPEAKER_04:I whenever I see unrealistic goals for that people set for themselves.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Or like what gives me the echoes, like people that set goals that they're already literally achieving, you know, like gym girls, like to go back to that same euphemism, right? Gym girls being like, I'm gonna do more of these kinds of workouts and work on this. And I'm like, bro, you already have a nice ass. Can you just shut the fuck up?
SPEAKER_05:Like also usually a BBM.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, why are you like you just don't really want to do like because the whole point of resolutions or doing these sorts of things, right? Is for some sort of self-improvement, some sort of self-key girl. You're already in the gym, you're already doing the thing. Like so what?
SPEAKER_05:How much I don't know, counseling? Yeah, maybe read a book this year. Maybe, you know, listen to one audiobook, maybe.
unknown:I don't know.
SPEAKER_04:That's definitely that's one I could get down with, you know, it's like adding more books or like spending five minutes reading a day. That's or audiobooks.
SPEAKER_05:Audiobooks is where you tell people that all the time. If you can listen to a podcast, you can listen to an audiobook, throw an audiobook on a few minutes. That counts. I don't care. If I can ask you a question about a book and you can respond with the information, you read the book. I don't care how it happens. I don't care how it happens. Uh yeah, audiobooks are accessibility for people, you know. 100%. That's literally why they were invented.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. 100% people wanting anything other than braille.
SPEAKER_05:So yeah, I've I've seen that argument come back up again in the writing world where people are like, audiobooks aren't reading. I'm like, well, shut up. Shut the fuck up. If you know if you if you can't rehend the information in the book, you read the book. So stupid, so dumb. For my ick list, I think the biggest one for me, and I did not know this was a thing. 5 a.m. cold plunges. So like the early morning cold plunge thing here in Scotland, it's a big deal. It's a big deal. They call it the Looney Duke, and it's they go out in costumes and dunk themselves in the fourth, like on New Year's morning. Crazy, crazy. I recently went to something similar with some friends. It's this spa, and then you can also go out and get in the ocean, the North Sea, which is fucking cold. And I thought it was gonna be really fun because it was like sauna, then cold, then cold, then sauna. This is gonna be great. My nervous system about shut the fuck down when I tried to get in the cold water. My body went, get out right now. Who do you think you are? Uh it turns out cold plunge is not great for women, not really great for us. Actually, kind of dangerous, actually, not great for us.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I didn't know our body temperature runs different. That's why.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, and apparently it's like a well-known thing in Chinese medicine that you should, and it's not like a sexist thing, but they then know because of hormones and like all these bodily changes that go on with women, that you should keep women warm. Like the goal should be to stay warm, not cold plants.
SPEAKER_04:That's why, like, like warm, you know, like keeping your house warm is so important for for people, like especially, especially women, because you're you're essentially you're running colder. This is why, you know, like there's like workplaces, like big, you know, conglomerate workplaces that keep this the heat sitting at a specific setting that helps men be productive. There it is. But you've got women that are wearing cardigans to work every day all day because they're freezing their fucking ass off and they're it all comes back.
SPEAKER_05:I was using something the other day, and I went, you can tell this was designed by a fucking man just because it was so impractical. I was like, you can just fucking tell. Oh so that's my ick. Cold plunges, they're out. I still do like to do, I'll do a little bit of cold water on my face, like in the mornings kind of thing. I like that, and I get the nervous system reset for that. Like where I get the little like, and then it feels like nice and calm, but dunking yourself apparently not good.
SPEAKER_04:I found out for neurodiverse people, warm water, like a warm drink, is actually better to reset your vagus nerve than it is to have like something cold. Yeah, yeah. And then also, we've talked about this before, I think, on another episode, where when we're talking about pots and how it's like at the end of your shower, your hot as shower, because we have it as if we're going to fucking hell.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:Like turning it colder and colder until you can't handle it anymore, basically, and how that that reset of the the blood being constricted back inward instead of having it right at the edge of your skin. Yeah.
SPEAKER_05:What do you know? Learn something every day. I told you guys Connie was gonna school me on this episode, which is partly why I picked this episode. Just effortlessly. Effortlessly. So yeah, that's it. That's our Ick list, our anti-goals. That is some good stuff on unresolutions. Don't set yourself specific resolutions this year. Just just have some fun with it. I think that's the overall takeaway is is dopamine, dopamine, dopamine. Have some fun with it. Now, just before we go, we're gonna close with our last new segment, the newska nugget, which will probably have a different name because we've already had history nugget. We're working stuff out here, folks. We're gonna get there. But this is just a little fun tidbit, a little little peek behind the curtain. A lot of it will be inspired by my TikTok stuff. But essentially, to the this week, just a little heads up, it looks like Travis Kelsey's charities, a little dodgy. One of them has pretty dodgy, dodgy little track record with money that was not necessarily going where it needed to go. It doesn't have the board members, it's just two brothers that have been working with him forever that have been taking like$400,000 off of the charity for management fees. So millionaire doing fraud with a billionaire missus. So I'm like, dude, why are you doing fraud when the bitch you're about to fucking marry?
SPEAKER_04:A billionaire fucking diamond assistant. A full billionaire is like a billionaire who just like farts airplane rides. So, like, what are you doing stealing from what should be charity? Like, I'm I I mean, like, I have my qualms about the NFL anyway, because they don't recognize that whole like chronic brain injury, they're doing everything they can not to. I'm so mad about that, like that, like because that's so freaking dangerous in terms of like there has been serial killers that have chronic brain injury. Literally, literally, literally producing like psychopaths, yeah. And so, so like, of course, the psychopath fucking football player who has a psychopath billionaire missus is stealing money from charity. Shock surprise. Yeah, I need my entourage to have money, but I don't want them to work because they have to be at my beaking call. So I will just pay them through my charity because I need my dick sucked all the time.
SPEAKER_05:That's exactly it's it's gonna be funny to see what happens. Apparently, this is a very known thing in the NFL. Like all these little camps and charities are just profit mills. And that article from the Arizona reporter that I shared on TikTok, that's they said it in there as well. But we shouldn't be surprised, I guess, that a grifter is getting with a grifter. But what's gonna be funny is that these two, you can tell they're so arrogant as well, but they're probably gonna be the ones who lift the cap and get all rich people exposed for charity stuff. And that would just be so funny to me if they ended up outing a bunch of the rich people.
SPEAKER_04:I keep thinking it's gonna be like Kim Kardashian, like because it's this is Taylor Swift's like first marriage like situation, right? Yeah, so it's I feel like it's just gonna be like Kim Kardashian marriage situation. It'll be fully televised, this massive event, and then within 72 hours they're gonna be not married because he probably like Disney documentary mess, the whole thing's a mess.
SPEAKER_05:She, I don't I don't think they're gonna get married. I think there will be some kind of breakup so she can write a big victim album. That's what that's what I reckon will happen.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, but yeah, I'm so so mad about her album that's like I I like Desarctic. And how amazing.
SPEAKER_05:I like Thessarctic, penis, penis. It's like the whole album. It's just a it's an absolute joke. All right, everybody. I think that just about does it for this week. Now you know, resolutions, new year's not good for the neurodivergent brain. Set yourself a goal of having some fun, having some novelty, and dopamine, dopamine, dopamine as much as you can get. So I think that pretty much sums it up, hey, Connie.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah. Set that little candy trail of dopamine and follow it to your heart's content.
SPEAKER_05:Right, the big candy house with the witch in it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:You are not a neurotypical, and you deserve to actually do things in a way that works for your brain.
SPEAKER_05:Love that. Much more eloquently put than what I said. So we are actually getting organized this year, getting stuff together. I mainly am getting organized. Connie is always come prepared. I'm the one who doesn't come prepared. So we will be back next week. Uh, we're gonna have a really good episode on body neutrality. Should be lots of fun. Yes, there will be some Ozympic talk. We'll have a couple of hot takes, I'm sure, because I know we both got opinions on this and what's going on right now with body neutrality and all that kind of stuff. Um, so make sure you're following us. Hit the follow button. Uh whatever wherever you're listening to this, there's like a million different places. Apple, Spotify, Amazon, you know, all those good places. You can follow us on social media. I'm on TikTok at the real EB Johnson, TikTok, Instagram, basically everywhere. Connie, where can they follow, where the can the lovely people follow you?
SPEAKER_04:I am Rainbow's Moonbeam on Instagram and on TikTok, I am Contrary Constance. If you wanna hit me out here.
SPEAKER_05:Excellent, excellent, excellent. And if you want to help us grow this podcast, if you want to support the cop podcast, you can also join us on patreon.com slash newska for as little as just five bucks a month. You can, like I said, help us grow this, but you can also get some extra little goodies. I post articles on there, little notes and stuff. We'll be doing I'll be doing more of my art on there as well, and we'll be sharing some outtakes and things from the show. So head over to patreon.com slash newska if you want to support us. And if you love the podcast, don't forget to go over to Apple and Spotify and leave a five-star review. It just helps the other nothing less. Nothing less, or we will hunt you down. No, I'm kidding. There's there's tons of negative reviews on one of my podcasts from the Swifties on Spotify. They can't do it on Apple, but they leave me lots of bad reviews on Spotify. Oh no, you pissed off the Swifties, don't you? Oh no, they left bad reviews on a podcast I haven't recorded in a year. Oh no, oh no. So, anyways, uh leave us a five star review if you like what you hear. If you don't, oh well, sorry about it. Um, and for everybody else, uh, stay weird, stay curious, and we will see you next week. Bye.
